Sacko Watch - Week 9

Alright Fuckers, here’s the deal. This article has been very boring to try to write the last couple weeks, so I gave up on it. I needed to concentrate on locking in the 1^st Round Bye for the playoffs. Plain & Simple. Quick Barker Story Time-I started seeing this girl (Holland knows her), and she started creeping into my football time. I started missing Monday Night and Thursday Night Football games, which distracted me from my fantasy team and other activities I enjoy doing by myself. To fix this problem, I made up a lie and said I was “sick” (easy excuse to use in 2020) to avoid seeing her this past Saturday and Sunday. Instead, I shelled out the cash to purchase a 77in Sony OLED TV (Being delivered on Tuesday). I plan on continuing to lie to her and say I am down in Peoria this weekend so I can sit on my ass from Thursday-Sunday and watch The Masters on the OLED, and College/NFL Football on my other 50” TV. I’m not really looking for your opinion here but whoever wants to come over on Sunday is more than welcome to. Right, back to the MFFL….The same usual suspects continue to dominate while the lower primates continue to suck balls.

The Hebrew Nail (Zach)

Zach knew he was going to lose when he woke up last Tuesday and knew he had to play me. Russell Wilson can only keep his team alive for so long. Expect Zach to be selling off (very few) assets to try to accumulate draft capital for 2021.

Key Trade Assets: Russell Wilson, Josh Jacobs, Jonnu Smith, Hayden Hurst & Robert Woods.

Higg’s and Kissic’s (Tony)

This fucking guy is the equivalent to the Chicago Bears. Squeaks out bullshit wins (Like the rigged Election), but when he goes against a team that can score 100 points, he gets his ass kicked. If this fantasy league had rotisserie scoring, Tony would be our Sacko. He has already sold off his assets to Gavin so don’t expect much from Tony for the rest of the season.

Key Trade Assets: 0.0

I eat Pieces of Shit (Jake)

Hate to see Jake here, I expected him to win heading into SNF especially after being in bye week hell. Brady shit the bed tossing (3) Interceptions in a blowout loss. Jake is naïve and may believe he still has a chance to clinch the playoffs this year. He desperately needs help at RB position and getting Chubbie back may help with that. Expect Jake to stand pat unless he gets an offer he cannot refuse.

Key Trade Assets: Tom Brady, DeAndre Hopkins, Darren Waller, Nick Chubb

Mixon up another L (Kevin)

This goes back to the old saying…”You can’t win if the MFFL if you don’t score 100 points or you’re Tony V”. Pitiful performance from Kevin’s team all around besides Deshaun Watson. As he drops to 4-5, I expect Kevin to start selling off the very few assets he has this year. Expect low ball offers though as it seems like many of the top teams won’t be interested in these underperforming players.

Key Trade Assets: Deshaun Watson, Clyde Edwards-Helaire, Noah Fant, Calvin Ridley

Skank Squad (Matt D.)

The skankiest of skank. When you’re top two players combine for 14.8 points, you’re probably going to lose. Matt D. has been quoted in saying “It was an L as soon has Gavin traded for Cook”. Doesn’t sound very optimistic from our former Sacko as he drops to 3-6. Expect him to be a seller at the trade deadline, and entertaining may offers. However, he is one of the worst trade partners in the MFFL so expect ridiculous trade offers to start coming in!

Trade Assets: Tyler Lockett, Derrick Henry

The Great Goatse (Ryan)

Ryan would probably give up a full hand, maybe even a foot to not be in this position this season. However, he will likely be headlining our very exciting Sacko race. Expect Ryan to finish in 13^th or last this season and his team is dog trash with very few trade assets.

Trade Asset: Josh Allen

Meh (Jon)

Hate to see it but that’s why Dan is a two-time former champ. Heading into this match, Jon did not expect our basement dweller to through up 163 points with Drew Lock and Richie James leading the way. An unfortunate loss for Jon but a very HUGE win for Champ Dan. Get your popcorn ready boys, we have a good ole fashion Sacko Race! Giddy Up!

Trade Asset: Michael Thomas