Week 5 Recap

That Stiff Arm Should Be Worth 1 Point... right?!?!?!

Week 5 is in the books, and there's a lot to digest from another interesting but painful NFL Sunday... and Monday... and uh.... Tuesday? Yeah things were weird, let's get in to it.

Your Week 5 Winners:

• We'll get this one out of the way. Jake Warren sneaks past Matt Dietrich's struggling, pathetic, worthless, unlucky, COVID riddled shit stain of a fantasy team. Derrick Henry did just about everything he could to bring Matt the win, including sending Josh Norman into orbit where he may never come down to play NFL football again. If he does ever come back down to earth, he should promptly retire. Ultimately it came down to .26 ! As Matt continuously refreshes the Stat Corrections page - we can look to Jake's team... lead by 2 rushing touchdowns from Miles Sanders, paired with a nice effort from Deandre Hopkins. It looked like a risk investing heavily in Houston players, but with the coach/GM change it looks like it brought life in to the struggling team - which should deliver an increase in fantasy points production for Jake. That sets Jake up nicely for an upcoming matchup against Gavin Fahey who has to scramble to the waiver fire to fill a massive hole (giggity) at Quarterback.

• That's a nice segue to Gavin's match, where he did unfortunately lose fantasy darling Dak Prescott due to a compound fracture suffered in the 3rd quarter of the Cowboys game. That helped Commissioner Beaumont Pagel to come in off the top rope and deliver a massive strike to the tune of 90+ point victory. The loss of Barkley looked catastrophic to Beaumont's fantasy season - However Vintage Todd Gurley has suddenly appeared and has something to say about that. Also Tannehill was the best performer of the MFFL, putting up an almost perfect game AND that's with two weeks of sitting around not practicing. Right now Reece is sitting pretty with two of the best producers at QB on his team and going against Number 14 Zach Gratton in Week 6 who has his fantasy stud QB sitting down for his Bye week.

• DOWN GOES WEASEL! Not only did Trevor Cushard ass blast Chris Barker, but did so with 6 players on Bye. AND STARTING JOE FLACCO. Yeah. Joe Fucking Flacco got the win. That's the fantasy football equivalent of smoking a cigarette and flipping Barker over for seconds. An incredible victory that certainly will go in Trevor's MFFL highlight reel. Without fact checking this I feel confident in saying this is Trevor's first time in the Top 5 rankings, and judging by the overall performance of the team, he's there to stay. The lowlights of Barker's team is the giant bust at Tight End Zach Ertz, and Justin Jefferson failing to extend his 100-yard game streak to three games. Only able to muster three catches for 23 yards. But that should greatly improve as the Vikings play the Atlanta Falcons next week. Matt Dietrich does have tough competition next week going against Trevor, but hopefully Melvin Gordon drank himself out of the lineup giving him a fighting chance in the upcoming matchup.

• Ryan Goatse Sarros has now fumbled 4 in a row, this time by way of Zach Gratton. Zach's average weekly points continues to climb, and much of the credit should continue going to Mr. Unlimited. The waiver pickup in Scotty Miller didn't end up producing for Ryan, and many players didn't meet their projections. If Zach can manage through these upcoming bye weeks, his team is a lock to make the playoffs.

• He lost, and he paid for it. Kevin Holland was rewarded for the nice defensive block on the Monday waivers, but that was ultimately faab wasted as it didn't stop Jon Jakusz from getting the come-from-behind victory with Cole Beasley. This isn't anything new, Jon likes to hang in the middle of the standings throughout the season, and then does the ol' Trojan Horse trickery to squeak in to a 5th/6th seed and ruin somebody's playoff run. We always discredit his draft strategy. We always peg him as an upcoming Sacko. We never learn our lesson. And he always delivers. What the fuck Jon.

• The Waiver Wire king Matt Knott has made some recent moves that have impressed many, and the results are equally impressive as he rolls to victory yet again over the Hebrew Hammer Matt Orzolek. Chase Edmonds was a spectacular start at RB, and while he didn't get the start - he didn't end up needing the points Brandin Cooks put up that accounted for half of Deshaun Watson's yards. Mahomes keeps doing Mahomes things, and now he gets Aaron Jones back to continue frustrating others in the MFFL. Kudos to you Matt, this is your best work yet. Meanwhile that new dad energy seems to have fizzled with Orzolek, now suffering his third consecutive loss and having to face a 4-1 team in Tony this coming week. Not a great place to be in. Welcome to the skank squad Orzolek, I'll save a seat down here for you in the standings.

• We have confirmation, The Moose Is Dead. Tony Vester came out and bagged himself a big championship caliber moose and that's now 3 in a row. Continuing his fantasy dominance. Having Dj Moore and Ty Hilton reappear gave him that extra boost to secure the victory. It'll be interesting to see where Lev Bell ends up and see what sort of production he can get out of him in the coming weeks. But Tony navigated the Detroit Bye week successfully and still sits comfortably in the top 3 of the MFFL. Dan Serra has his eyes on a dress this season.

Certified Beefer of the Week:

Watch where you point that thing boy! Reece's Beefer has elevated so high it almost touched 200 points this past week. Good Beef is hard to find these days, so swing em' if you got em'.

FAAB names that'll be of interest when waivers run:

We all know that injuries will always be a part of football, but 2020 feels like it has gone to whole new levels. The big one this week was obviously Dak Prescott, a heart breaker for a guy who was balling out and playing for that giant contract extension. The "scheduled" bye weeks continue this week with the Las Vegas Raiders, New Orleans Saints, Seattle Seahawks are taking a rest. The Los Angeles Chargers were not originally scheduled to be on a bye week, but with the New England Patriots taking their bye week in Week 5, this changed a few things. So if there's a need to make a waiver claim -- here's some names to consider

QBs - Alright hear me out. With the Panthers on tap for Week 6, I actually think Nick Foles is a good streaming candidate here. Foles has passed it at least 40 times in each of the last two weeks, that should bring you a decent floor of points at the position. Andy Dalton is another with streaming appeal as he takes over for the Cowboys rest of season. Also keep your eye on the injury reports for Drew Lock, he should be expected to come back and start for Denver.

RBs - There was a Tj Yeldon sighting.. and he outplayed Singletary in the Tuesday Night Football matchup which was surprising to us all. But if Zach Moss continues to be out, there's a good plug n' play guy. I guess if you wanted a piece of that Jet's backfield, those guys are available too. That's too gross for me to recommend.

WRs - We highlighted Brandin Cooks on last week's waiver pickups and he did tremendous work... on Knott's bench. So for this week I'm gonna pick the Eagles wide receiving core. They're getting back Alshon Jeffery, and you could also fire up Travis Fulgham who is my pick of the week. These are good additions to any WR depleted roster and shouldn't cost you very much either.

TEs - I don't know what to tell you here. It's bad. Bad, Bad, Bad. Offer me a nice RB for George Kittle... there's your best bet.

Again.... Don't Stream D/ST - leave that to me. OK great. Thanks.

Enjoy the week fuckers. Stay healthy, and here's to hoping our teams do the same.